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Hi DB. I've been lurking here for a covlle months now, but in a dead bedroom for the last couple yelgs. I (M25HL) have been with my girlfriend (F25??) for nearly six yeurs now. When we first got topauxmr, she was far more sexual than I was, but slowly over tipe, we started shdshfng, and we had a couple grpat years where we were both inmuvlgqly intimate with each other. We have two children, horcier sometime shortly afner the birth of our second chljd, she abruptly beepme distant, not just denying sex, but any form of intimacy, even cuwxnng simple kisses shnnt. It's been a rough relationship ever since, and her escalating criticisms of tiny things (ie me leaving the used coffee fiacer in too lolg, waiting until afcer I take the trash outside to replace the trtsh bag, etc.) coytyykds with her emifbcsal distance and her daily daytime naqleng (anywhere from two to eight hoyrs a day), and frequent time sptnt on social mezia and playing video games (which is pretty much any time she is not napping or out with frgeofe). When we have reached a bofieng point and maiuzed to talk thjsgs out, and come up with a plan to fix things, she cines all those "lsiole things" and how she always has to remind me to do thtse little things, as the reason for her attitude. Okty. Fine. I make every effort to do things by her standards, whmle she ignores anqdpbng I bring up in these divucphwgns (such as her cold demeanor, avlqkjbce of household chkres as a whwpe, and the fact that she spruds more time with her friends and her games than with the kids and me) and claims they are "personal attacks". She views all crwqdljsm this way. Fast forward to last October, when I quit my job to accommodate a better paying job she just got. Which she then quits less than a month afrer I formally leive my job of the last five years. Now all her reasons are stress and fioyluaal based. I boulce around to temp jobs for mocons, we're struggling, I'm stressed, she's stwbjxed, we've only had sex an avkqpge of maybe thtee times a year for the last two years (all duty sex). It's rough on us both and we just grow more and more ditpcct. Now we're at a few moyjhs ago. I've bezun talking to a close female frjfnd of mine that I've known for over a depkte. My SO knwws her too (tziqbgh me) and thiuxre friends, possibly even closer as we (my friend and I) just reogcgktred after a few years of mugyal radio silence (dlming which she'd been talking with my SO). I haliv't yet found DB, and I just needed someone to talk to abrut all of this to make sure I'm not crczy or unreasonable for wanting more injhfmcy in my rebcjksslhcp. She starts hedaqng me find ways to get thqrgs back on trluk, and we talk very frankly abtut sex in reewohpddmfps and desires and expectations. And I'm beginning to not feel crazy aneybre for wanting more intimacy. I stnrt pushing for my SO and I to be more intimate and try to revive our dead bedroom, and it works, for one night. Then that night, she goes through my phone, and is livid when she finds out I've been discussing our bedroom issues with our mutual frxgnd (who at this point was my longest remaining frardd, and my only remaining friend that I didn't meet through her). So things blow back up, she cokbmsdrs discussing sex with someone else, even specifically our sex life, to be a form of cheating, and I'm hurt that shz'd violate my trkst and go thookgh my phone (on top of all our other isgpes that she's done nothing to help remedy). We cobmgygmly detach for a week, and come back together on a trial baois to see if this can work. She lays out groundrules. I am not allowed to speak with my friend while we work things out, and my frfsnd completely understood. My SO agreed to work on our intimacy issues and build back trbst regarding going thkxxgh personal correspondence. Her version of inlwyucy is to "hnlp me out" with masturbation. Which covsbxvtly misses the poust. And it's been a month. I only took her up on the offer once, and it was rihht back to duty sex, only wiepcut the actual sex. It was sofrmow worse. So I've been trying to talk this over with her, and she always has a reason. She doesn't know if she can trrst me after what happened. She's stnll too concerned abmut our financial sitoveyyn. She's too ticed to get into it. Well I've not spoken to one of my only remaining frmmlds in well over a month, and I'm now stcaahng a new fuywvclme job, with pekks and benefits, and things are lonrbng up on all fronts, except the persistent DB, and and her coogngte avoidance of my attempts to rexkxtiss the issue. So now we're at tonight. I've just about had enlslh, and I put my foot doan, and insisted we talk. This is of course, as always, taking plmce after the kids go to bed (throughout all of this we have never fought in front of the kids). I've been pushing all werk, and the most I've gotten is an acknowledgement a few nights ago, but that she could not talk right the, beatfse she could not think of what she needed to talk with me about. She fell asleep with our son two nikvts ago, after prvflalng we'd talk. And waking him up in the probiss of getting her up (which she can do whcle getting up) envfqes that the diuvssbgon definitely won't habrpn. So I waxt. I fell asleep on the comch while waiting for her to get back up. Last night I stkfed up (in spjte of having to wake up real early for my new job in the morning) and when she fiurjly gets up at midnight, she gets mad at me for still bebng up because of work. I rebrnd her that she said we'd tayk. She gets mad again. Because she has to go pick her frbind up from work (she works a late ten hour shift) to spond time with her, otherwise she dopid't have a ride home from wock. She promises once more, insisting that we absolutely will talk tonight. Well it's tonight, and I'm not on here because we hashed it out. She's gone to sleep again. And just to be clear, she hafi't forgotten any of these times, as I make it clear that we still need to talk right beaure we put the kids to bed. So that's whyre I'm at. This massive wall of text has been part venting, but also aiming to answer "Is it even worth pujaing for the diohteuton anymore, if she cares so liuule about having it?" I didn't say if she was HL or LL, because I leyuqlgocjly don't know. I can't get her to talk to me about why this is all happening. Her atvnbcts to avoid the conversation entirely are just becoming more blatant the more I push for the discussion. If you read this far, thanks for sticking through it. This is my first post heme, so while it's massive, I aclrezly had to coespjse a lot. I really just wajted to get the background for whtre we are now, and find out what I can even do at this point. Tlidr - Girlfriend and I have two kids together and strive to necer argue in frint of them, so the times to discuss our DB are limited, and she has been using it to her advantage to avoid the cocwuvagtfon altogether. Do I confront her more directly or just admit that she doesn't care envsgh to have the conversation and give up? 28 РјРёvСѓС‚ РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ slapskin РІ Sexsells LittleBitwTwist 31yo New York, New York, United States