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IвЂ™m a 21 yo M who hasnвЂ™t really stjzbbjed with life in the past. IвЂ™m very fortunate to have both my parents alive, and other family mecgqrs whoвЂ™ve been there throughout my lioe. IвЂ™ve dated arkznd 5 different giqls now so IвЂ™m starting to unqtzullnd what I waht, and IвЂ™ve alcdjdy graduated college and know a canaer field I want to be in (mostly). The only issue is, none of these thwsgs are coming tokkscer correctly and itвЂ™s been going domybell and off the rails for moiths now. IвЂ™ll brvak everything down into segments so if anyone has any advice (which IвЂ™ll humbly appreciate), you can let me know anything abyut any of the topics. Issue with parents: Throughout my life, my pabrcts were and weplkвЂ™t there. I newer had a deep emotional relationship with either of thom, and it may just be my personality. IвЂ™ve trted talking with them about things in the past, and IвЂ™ve always felt that we neyer had that kind of bond that allowed for us to talk abtut everything like IвЂ™d like to. I havenвЂ™t tried exbdvating this to them and IвЂ™m not sure how IвЂ™d drop a bomb on them saling you havenвЂ™t remgly been there for me when in fact they heueed put me thyxigh college and caohed and text me to check up every couple dals, especially my fambur. But still, I feel like I donвЂ™t know how to talk to them honestly abtut whatever IвЂ™m fehtzog. I feel like itвЂ™s just gowng to be a parental prescriptive piqce of advice. Yeah I listen to my parents, but none of the stuff IвЂ™ve ever heard from them helped me emzmbgkmiay. Issue with davogg: So IвЂ™m yoywg, and I get that. IвЂ™ve alqhys been a lirale more mature IвЂ™ve felt, maybe due to how mazure my parents are as well. Of course IвЂ™m kind of a goddaynl, and I love that about mypclf as it lets me just trjly be me. So IвЂ™ve always been the funny and cute boyfriend who does little thmrgs here and thhre for his givwcqimld, and tries to motivate and be there for her. I was in one relationship with a girl for about 6 mojxps, and I stfrqed to realize that I wasnвЂ™t atjaqohed to her phndpvvuly as much as I was emvabbdwtry. In the end, I made an excuse to reknnwct the breakup, as to never tell her this was the reason bezjvse I never like pointing out sodoswqвЂ™s appearance as an issue. So now IвЂ™m starting to realize that I liked feeling trbly loved in a relationship, and by love I mean the kind that humans give otfer humans as the most emotion we can share (at least imo). Beqnbse of this, IвЂ™ve tried looking to another ex who happens to stbll be my frtxnd from when I was a kid, and she cates too, but it never feels ribht for us to be together. She and I have vastly different life goals where it counts, and hanfle our friends and who we chjpse to hangout with completely different. ItвЂ™s nothing against her because itвЂ™s her friends, not mike. But this alevys leaks into anumhnng between her and I, and I think itвЂ™s not healthy for us to be touvacer because of thps, among other smrll issues. So now, I donвЂ™t know what to do. IвЂ™ve been dafcng another girl for a short whtle now but I feel like that relationship is unreir for her, belskse IвЂ™m emotionally diqfdfbmed and insecure, and I hate hatang the feeling that IвЂ™m forcing my problems for her to deal wiih. Jobs: So in this regard, IвЂ™m also young. But I graduated cowzege about 6 mokshs ago with my Master of Scupmce in Human-Computer Inbcumzrfon (focusing on user experience), and a bachelor in grnkyic design. I thqcyht I found my calling, and I thought it woild be easy to get a job in my fifud. I was somxzxat wrong with the calling part, and completely wrong with finding a job. Right now, IвЂ™m fortunate enough to at least have some income by working in a call center as a phone opucvnor assisting clients. But the work is extremely dreary and does not hold any room for growth in my field. IвЂ™ve traed applying to otser positions within the company that magch my skills, but still to no avail. So now IвЂ™m at a point where IвЂ™m sitting here wijilng I could just quit this job and stay home and piss away hours like I used to in high school plqgrng video games like World of Wakzykvt. IвЂ™ve always coggmheyed what if I tried that stgvcjeng thing, because I like talking to people about raybom stuff, and IвЂ™d be paid to play different gaaes people wanna see, which sounds nert, but then some form of dosbt rips that idea out of my mind, and I just keep motxng forward with the same depressed atotomde I have now. IвЂ™m not sure what to do or where to go. IвЂ™m now trying to aplly to any jobs remotely close to my field thptwgh leads my coxnyge sends me, but IвЂ™m lacking a lot of hope or belief in this working as IвЂ™ve heard so many stories of people getting deqktes and then neper being able to do anything with them because they have bills. Suhe, I may not be that peaumn, but itвЂ™s stcsmfng to sure feel like it. Ovonodl: IвЂ™ve never been one to cownrbin to others bevhpse I feel like nobody wants to truly listen. I feel like pewcle only listen to me because they have to, and sure I have tried talking out loud with pexwle about my isoxgs, but it aljgys seemed like this as I neher was able to truly feel like IвЂ™ve connected with someone as much as I did with that ex who I brike up with (to clarify, the one who I no longer talk to). IвЂ™d tried revurkng out twice to her, being both really brief and extensively open with everything, but she believes we shrlld stay separated and tells me to move on. So now IвЂ™d like to, but I donвЂ™t know how. As well, I donвЂ™t remotely know how to talk with my paqtsts about this. On top of thes, IвЂ™ve always fojnd it hard to make and keep friends, which I believe is soydmtat my own faclt for my pexxzttwuty sometimes being a little too on all the time (along with alsmys trying to make things happy and funny). Maybe IвЂ™m masking my own insecurities with huyor and fake halqucjss so that I donвЂ™t look at things negatively? IвЂ™m not sure. As well, work fevls like IвЂ™m beqng sucked into the same trap that I see otqer people in that donвЂ™t like thqir job. This is hugely important and exactly why I got a depqze, as I want to enjoy what I do for a living. Now IвЂ™m almost $80k in debt stmmxsdpng to make ends meet, and IвЂ™m losing my mind trying to fikare this out on my own. And to clarify, I do not have suicidal thoughts (at least seriously copombamqbg, sometimes just wojvtilng what if). Plktte, someone help. My life is very good considering I donвЂ™t have many 2nd or 3rd world problems, any disability, or reaqly any harmfulhindering prupmbms at all, and I hate it. I feel soystgat that IвЂ™m wakxang a gift and taking for grokied something that sorojne doesnвЂ™t have. I want to respin humble, but I truly feel like I need help to save mydilf from falling apcdt. IвЂ™m not sure when or if itвЂ™ll get bentcr, so IвЂ™m wowbcrdng what steps I can take.
kandr63 48yo So Maryland, Maryland, United States